Helpful Hints
Wedding Don'ts
You’re planning your wedding. There are lots of people telling you what to do. What about the don’ts? We’ve compiled ten important wedding don’ts to keep you clear of the pitfalls.
1. DON’T create a wedding for others at the expense of your personal desires and responsibilities.
A wedding is an event intended to bring people together -- families, friends, the community of people around you. But more than anything else, it is about uniting two people together for life. As you begin planning your wedding, try to focus on creating the kind of celebration you want, not the one you think other people will expect you to have. Yes, it’s important to consider other people’s feelings. Yes, symbolic gestures -- such as carrying the same kind of flowers as your mother carried, or using your fiancé’s grandparents’ cake topper on your cake -- will please others. But don't make choices to please others if they will make you unhappy, and don’t spend more than you can afford just to "keep up with the Joneses."
2. DON’T invite people just because you think you have to.
The simple truth of wedding budgeting is that each additional guest means an increase in cost. If you have a specific budget limit (and most people do), you reduce your ability to spend on other items each time you increase the headcount. More guests mean fewer flowers, a less extravagant menu. Invite those who you care about most and who are truly involved in your life. On your wedding day, you want to be surrounded by familiar, loving smiles -- not people you barely recognize.
3. DON’T be late.
This rule applies to the bride, the groom, and everyone else involved in the wedding. Try to start your wedding on time. If you don’t, everything will run behind schedule, and that can create real problems at your reception location, especially if there is another event scheduled following yours. If locations or service people (waiters, bartenders, musicians, etc.) end up working later than originally scheduled, you may find unpleasant overtime charges added to your final bill. If you must delay the start of your ceremony -- perhaps because guests are still arriving -- do so by no more than 10 minutes.
4. DON'T worry about things going wrong.
There’s no point in panicking the morning of the wedding. Minor problems will probably occur and no one will really even notice; if a big problem is looming, there’s probably little that can be done about it at this point. So why worry? Let others take care of the final details. Relax, smile, and enjoy your special day.
5. DON’T tune out.
Some brides are so overwhelmed by wedding anxiety that they turn to over-the-counter sedatives, prescription tranquilizers, or alcohol to calm nerves on the big day. And then they have to wait and watch the wedding video in order to find out what happened. Resist the temptation to medicate yourself through the nerve-wracking final hours. You’ll want to remember this day.
6. DON’T include things that don’t matter to you.
While observing wedding traditions can create a sense of continuity and community at a wedding celebration, they aren't essential. You don’t have to have a flower girl and ring bearer if you don’t want to -- or even adult attendants. Maybe you’re a grown-up bride who finds the garter toss ritual embarrassing; if so, skip it. There's no law that says you can’t walk yourself down the aisle and give yourself away. Although you should be careful about tampering with religious rituals, feel free to create your own traditions.
7. DON’T forget to eat.
Famished, fainting brides and grooms are a bigger problem than you might imagine. Considering skipping breakfast so you can look svelte in your wedding attire? Don’t. It may be your last meal of the day, and you’ll need the energy. If jitters have your stomach in a knot, try to eat a few saltines. As the minutes tick down to show time, you probably won't have a chance to grab a bite to eat. Many couples are so busy visiting with guests at the reception that they barely get a bite of their own reception menu. Not eating can make you cranky at the least; and cause you to faint at the worst. In a recent survey, 36% of all honeymooners said the first thing they did when they got to their suite after the wedding was… order room service. Eat a meal before the wedding, and try to eat at the reception too.
8. DON’T spend too much time with any particular guest.
It may be difficult, but you should make it your goal to spend at least a few minutes visiting with each of your wedding guests. The only way you’re going to make it through the crowd and still do all the other things you’re supposed to do (have your first dance, toasts, dinner, and cut the cake) is if you push yourself to be brief with each guest. You can always circle back later and spend some extra time with your favorite people.
9. DON’T let guests drink and drive.
You shouldn’t have to police your party, but make sure that the bartenders and wait staff are alert to ensuring your guests’ safety. Recruit your groomsmen to keep their eyes on the crowd (and each other!) in case some end up enjoying his or herself a little too much. Arm each of your groomsmen with the phone number of a taxi service. If someone has had too much, a groomsman can escort that person out of view and address the situation. You’ve heard it before, but it bears repeating: take their keys. If the party animal doesn't have a ride home, he or she should be put in a cab. It only takes an instant for the memory of your wedding celebration to be scarred by a tragic accident.
10. DON’T forget what it’s really all about.
Your wedding day will pass quickly. All the months of planning will be realized in just a few short hours. Guests will ooh and aah over your beautiful gown; they’ll marvel at the lovely flowers; they’ll enjoy the delicious reception menu you organized so carefully. But, ultimately, all those things are just a part of the party. A wedding is the celebration of something much more important: the decision two people make to join together and live their lives as one. Amidst the fanfare of your wedding day, try to remember to take a moment or two and gaze across the crowd. Find the face of your new spouse. Watch him or her as they enjoy the day. Share a smile between the two of you, and commit yourself to finding a way, each and every day, to bring those smiles back to your faces.
Wedding Checklist
Proper planning will ensure that your wedding goes off as you expect. Wedding planning can be overwhelming, use the checklist below or one similar to make sure you’re not overlooking any detail.
Twelve Months or Earlier:
Announce your engagement.
Set the date for the wedding. (Consider schedules, vacations, holidays, etc...)
Determine the type of wedding you want: location, time of day, number of guests, etc...
Develop a budget and how expenses will be shared.
Draw up a guest list.
Create a file for contracts, forms, important papers, etc...
Attend Bridal Shows.
Select a Wedding Coordinator (if applicable).
Select and reserve the ceremony location.
Select and reserve the officiant.
Select and reserve the reception location.
Select and order the bridal gown.
Determine the color scheme.
Send engagement notice and photograph to local newspaper.
Select and book the photographer.
Select and book the DJ or reception musicians.
Select the wedding party.
Nine to Twelve Months:
Select flower girl and ring bearer.
Reserve wedding night bridal suite.
Select wedding party's dresses/tuxedos, shoes and accessories.
Select and book caterer.
Select and book ceremony musicians.
Schedule fittings and delivery dates for yourself and wedding party.
Select and book videographer.
Select and book florist.
Six to Nine Months:
Start shopping for each other's wedding gifts.
Reserve rental items needed for ceremony and reception.
Finalize guest list.
Select and order wedding invitations, thank you notes, wedding programs, etc...
Address invitations.
Set date, time and location of rehearsal dinner.
Schedule Bachelor Party. (optional)
Schedule Bachelorette Party. (optional)
Arrange accommodations for out-of-town guests.
Start planning your honeymoon.
Select and book all miscellaneous services.
Register for gifts at Bridal Registry.
Purchase shoes and accessories.
Four to Six Months:
Select bakery and order cake.
Order flowers.
Select and order decorations.
Purchase honeymoon attire and luggage.
Select and book limo for wedding day.
Check marriage license requirements.
Shop for wedding rings.
Plan activities for your out-of-town guests (for both before and after the wedding.)
Purchase gifts for wedding party.
Six to Eight Weeks:
Mail invitations.
Maintain a record of RSVP's and all gifts received.
Send thank-you notes upon receipt of gifts.
Determine hair style and makeup.
Finalize shopping for wedding day accessories. (toasting glasses, guest book, etc...)
Check with your local newspapers for wedding announcement requirements.
Have your formal wedding portrait taken.
Arrange for name and address changes.
One Week:
Take week off and go over final details.
Pick up wedding attire and make sure everything fits.
Finalize guest count with caterer and reception location.
Gather everything needed for rehearsal and wedding day.
Review the schedule of events and last minute arrangements.
Contact all service providers and go over last minute details.
Confirm honeymoon reservations and accommodations.
Pick up tickets and travelers checks.
Finish packing suitcases for the honeymoon.
Have the Post Office hold your mail and stop your newspapers.
Day Before:
Give accessories to wedding party.
Give Best Man the officiant's fee.
Give remaining checks for any other service providers to the designated person.
Arrange for someone to bring accessories to ceremony and reception.
(ring pillow, guest book and pen, toasting glasses, cake cutting knife, etc...)
Arrange for someone to return rental items after the wedding.
Provide each member of the wedding party with a schedule of events for the wedding.
Get plenty of rest.
Your Wedding Day!
Enjoy a good breakfast.
Have hair, nails and makeup done.
Have wedding clothes ready two hours early.
Best Man has marriage license/officiant's fee.
Groom has honeymoon tickets/money, etc...
Wedding party arrive one hour prior to wedding.
Confirm going away outfit will be at reception.
Give the groom's ring to the maid of honor.
Simply follow the schedule.
Relax and enjoy the day!
